BOB went to the County Fair
and bought a Wonder Mop®
BOB took it home
and mopped
and twisted
and mopped
and twisted
and mopped
and twisted some more
until the mop fell apart
because
BOB had UNSCREWED it.
But then again - it's probably just me.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
BOB has C.D.O.
.
BOB has C.D.O.
It's like O.C.D.
But -
The letters are in alphabetical order -
Like they should be.
But then again - it's probably just me.
=====
NOTE - This joke is not original. I wish I could tell you where I saw/read it - I would love to give credit - but I just don't remember. If you know - please tell me.
BOB has C.D.O.
It's like O.C.D.
But -
The letters are in alphabetical order -
Like they should be.
But then again - it's probably just me.
=====
NOTE - This joke is not original. I wish I could tell you where I saw/read it - I would love to give credit - but I just don't remember. If you know - please tell me.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
BOB went to the library
BOB went to the library
A couple of months ago I read a great blog rant about the "Oh, I can't do that!" experience - about the stupid attitude of those people who don’t know even want to learn how to do stuff. Like quilt. You know the one - the "You're better than us!" attitude - trying to make you feel guilty because you can do something they can't. Yeah - that one!
I have had a couple of those experiences – and I must admit that I don't even want to learn some of this damn computer crap - I would much rather sew. But - I have worked with computers since the mid-70's so it's not like I lack experience and/or don't know how. I just get tired of relearning stuff that is not broken - but has been changed anyway - just because. Then there's the new stuff - soooooo much new stuff - sometimes it's overwhelming - and I just don't want to play anymore. But I digress -
My rant is a little bit different than the "Oh, I can't do that!" one – the “flip” side, if you will. You should all know by now that I'm a Flippin Lefty! I flip everything from rulers to directions. Sometimes I even flip them off. But I digress – again -
So -
Once upon a time - my husband and I went to the public library (remember those?).
That particular day the local quilt guild had displayed some beautiful quilts and some guild members were demonstrating hand quilting on a huge frame. I watched one lady while she stitched. I like to see "How" people do things - might learn something - you never know.
She noticed me and proceeded to explain what she was doing.
Then another lady asked if I quilted.
I (being my modest self) said, "A little."
The second lady invited me to join the guild.
They met at 9:00AM on Tuesdays.
I told her I couldn't do that - I worked.
She said - "Oh, you poor thing! You'll just have to wait until you retire!"
BOB smiled sweetly and walked away - all the while thinking -
Watch what you say - ladies - especially if you don't know who you are talking to!
=====
What they didn't know was -
1) Yes, I worked - as a CPA (Certified Public Accountant). There is nothing "poor" about being a professional! I told doctors and lawyers what to do! And they did it! Because I said so!
2) I already had a collection of blue ribbons from the local County Fair and a quilt show in a near-by town. Blue ribbons for my "hand-quilting" - no less! I may have had to wait to join their guild - but I certainly didn't have to wait to quilt! And how dare you assume that I didn't know anything - because I didn't belong to your guild!
The point of my story is -
I didn't get the "You're better than us!" attitude.
I got the “flip” side.
I got the "We're better than you!" attitude.
I got the "We belong to the GUILD!" attitude.
I got the "You can't possibly know anything if you don't belong to the GUILD!" attitude.
I think that the condescending attitude of some quilters is far worse than the stupid attitude of those who won't even try to learn!!
And - no – even though I am now retired - I won't be joining the local quilt guild any time soon!
I much prefer blogland - where I can find like-minded quilters – read their blogs (or not) - stay in my jammies and not even leave home. I can sit back and watch some ladies crank out a quilt a week while I just take my time and enjoy the process. Not that there's anything wrong with that - but I am no less a quilter because I go at a slower pace. And I resent those who think I am.
And I certainly hope that I don't come across in my blog as "I'm better than you!" to any of my readers. I screw up all of the time - but I try to make the best of it - and share with you what works and doesn't work for me. Maybe it will save you some time and/or trouble. Maybe not.
And I certainly do not want to imply that all guild members are snobs. Most of them are not.
I'm just talking about some bitchy quilters who have crossed my path.
Like the one "teacher" who visited (interrupted) my teacher's class. She was all full of herself because she had just written a book. La - de - fuckin' - da! She announced to the class - "I don't see COLOR - I see VALUE!" Then she proceeded to criticize one student's (my friend) color choices. COLOR is a personal choice - you don't CRITICIZE someone's color choices!! How rude!!
And - to me - blogland is way more fun than being stuck in a guild meeting anyway.
Those damn things remind me of WORK!
You know - PROJECTS and DEADLINES!
Besides - one BOB in the room is enough.
But then again – it’s probably just me.
A couple of months ago I read a great blog rant about the "Oh, I can't do that!" experience - about the stupid attitude of those people who don’t know even want to learn how to do stuff. Like quilt. You know the one - the "You're better than us!" attitude - trying to make you feel guilty because you can do something they can't. Yeah - that one!
I have had a couple of those experiences – and I must admit that I don't even want to learn some of this damn computer crap - I would much rather sew. But - I have worked with computers since the mid-70's so it's not like I lack experience and/or don't know how. I just get tired of relearning stuff that is not broken - but has been changed anyway - just because. Then there's the new stuff - soooooo much new stuff - sometimes it's overwhelming - and I just don't want to play anymore. But I digress -
My rant is a little bit different than the "Oh, I can't do that!" one – the “flip” side, if you will. You should all know by now that I'm a Flippin Lefty! I flip everything from rulers to directions. Sometimes I even flip them off. But I digress – again -
So -
Once upon a time - my husband and I went to the public library (remember those?).
That particular day the local quilt guild had displayed some beautiful quilts and some guild members were demonstrating hand quilting on a huge frame. I watched one lady while she stitched. I like to see "How" people do things - might learn something - you never know.
She noticed me and proceeded to explain what she was doing.
Then another lady asked if I quilted.
I (being my modest self) said, "A little."
The second lady invited me to join the guild.
They met at 9:00AM on Tuesdays.
I told her I couldn't do that - I worked.
She said - "Oh, you poor thing! You'll just have to wait until you retire!"
BOB smiled sweetly and walked away - all the while thinking -
Watch what you say - ladies - especially if you don't know who you are talking to!
=====
What they didn't know was -
1) Yes, I worked - as a CPA (Certified Public Accountant). There is nothing "poor" about being a professional! I told doctors and lawyers what to do! And they did it! Because I said so!
2) I already had a collection of blue ribbons from the local County Fair and a quilt show in a near-by town. Blue ribbons for my "hand-quilting" - no less! I may have had to wait to join their guild - but I certainly didn't have to wait to quilt! And how dare you assume that I didn't know anything - because I didn't belong to your guild!
The point of my story is -
I didn't get the "You're better than us!" attitude.
I got the “flip” side.
I got the "We're better than you!" attitude.
I got the "We belong to the GUILD!" attitude.
I got the "You can't possibly know anything if you don't belong to the GUILD!" attitude.
I think that the condescending attitude of some quilters is far worse than the stupid attitude of those who won't even try to learn!!
And - no – even though I am now retired - I won't be joining the local quilt guild any time soon!
I much prefer blogland - where I can find like-minded quilters – read their blogs (or not) - stay in my jammies and not even leave home. I can sit back and watch some ladies crank out a quilt a week while I just take my time and enjoy the process. Not that there's anything wrong with that - but I am no less a quilter because I go at a slower pace. And I resent those who think I am.
And I certainly hope that I don't come across in my blog as "I'm better than you!" to any of my readers. I screw up all of the time - but I try to make the best of it - and share with you what works and doesn't work for me. Maybe it will save you some time and/or trouble. Maybe not.
And I certainly do not want to imply that all guild members are snobs. Most of them are not.
I'm just talking about some bitchy quilters who have crossed my path.
Like the one "teacher" who visited (interrupted) my teacher's class. She was all full of herself because she had just written a book. La - de - fuckin' - da! She announced to the class - "I don't see COLOR - I see VALUE!" Then she proceeded to criticize one student's (my friend) color choices. COLOR is a personal choice - you don't CRITICIZE someone's color choices!! How rude!!
And - to me - blogland is way more fun than being stuck in a guild meeting anyway.
Those damn things remind me of WORK!
You know - PROJECTS and DEADLINES!
Besides - one BOB in the room is enough.
But then again – it’s probably just me.
Monday, June 20, 2011
BOB doesn't do self-checkout
BOB doesn’t do self-checkout
BOB thinks that the grocery store should employ people to do that for me.
BOB thinks that it would be much easier
to teach a handful of employees how to use the register
than it would be
to teach every customer how to do the same thing.
Here AGAIN – they want me to do it myself!
And I don’t like it!
Where is my damn discount for doing their job?
And why AM I doing their job?
Why aren’t they doing their OWN job?
And they wonder where the jobs are going!
Haven’t I said that before?
Oh, yeah – that's right - I have!
But then again – it’s probably just me.
BOB thinks that the grocery store should employ people to do that for me.
BOB thinks that it would be much easier
to teach a handful of employees how to use the register
than it would be
to teach every customer how to do the same thing.
Here AGAIN – they want me to do it myself!
And I don’t like it!
Where is my damn discount for doing their job?
And why AM I doing their job?
Why aren’t they doing their OWN job?
And they wonder where the jobs are going!
Haven’t I said that before?
Oh, yeah – that's right - I have!
But then again – it’s probably just me.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!
or -
as BOB would love to be able to say - out loud -
HAPPY MOTHERF***ER’S DAY!!
========
Remember when Rahm Emanuel got in trouble for saying the "R" word?
How come he didn't get in trouble for saying the "F" word right before it?
But then again – it’s probably just me.
or -
as BOB would love to be able to say - out loud -
HAPPY MOTHERF***ER’S DAY!!
========
Remember when Rahm Emanuel got in trouble for saying the "R" word?
How come he didn't get in trouble for saying the "F" word right before it?
But then again – it’s probably just me.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
BOB has scraps
BOB has scraps
S.C.R.A.P.S. -
S - Senior
C - Citizen
R - Rotten
A - Attention
P -
S - Span
Now I need a “P”...
But then again – it’s probably just me.
S.C.R.A.P.S. -
S - Senior
C - Citizen
R - Rotten
A - Attention
P -
S - Span
Now I need a “P”...
But then again – it’s probably just me.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
BOB doesn't do online banking
BOB doesn’t do online banking
or bill paying.
BOB doesn’t trust herself to do that.
I had a client once who paid his phone bill - and added an extra digit - $300 became $3300.
BOB can't afford to make that kind of mistake.
One time I paid a bill – and couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I had a “credit” balance forward from the prior month.
Seems that the month before I had paid the check number instead of the amount I actually owed - good thing the check number was larger than the bill or I would have been in trouble
.
Then there was the time I was paying the bills – and I couldn’t find one of the checks I had written the week before.
I don't get a bill from the guy who mows our lawn (mow/blow/go/Joe) until the last Thursday of the month - but I usually write his check along with a bunch of other ones the week before.
Monday I went looking for his check. It wasn't in the usual place. My husband said he hadn't seen it. Where the hell had I put that check? Couldn't figure it out.
Opened the mail on Tuesday. The credit card company sent me back Joe’s check - 'cuz it wasn't made payable to them.
So – now BOB takes her time and checks it and re-checks it again.
BOB doesn’t pay her bills on line – she doesn’t dare.
But then again - its probably just me.
or bill paying.
BOB doesn’t trust herself to do that.
I had a client once who paid his phone bill - and added an extra digit - $300 became $3300.
BOB can't afford to make that kind of mistake.
One time I paid a bill – and couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I had a “credit” balance forward from the prior month.
Seems that the month before I had paid the check number instead of the amount I actually owed - good thing the check number was larger than the bill or I would have been in trouble
.
Then there was the time I was paying the bills – and I couldn’t find one of the checks I had written the week before.
I don't get a bill from the guy who mows our lawn (mow/blow/go/Joe) until the last Thursday of the month - but I usually write his check along with a bunch of other ones the week before.
Monday I went looking for his check. It wasn't in the usual place. My husband said he hadn't seen it. Where the hell had I put that check? Couldn't figure it out.
Opened the mail on Tuesday. The credit card company sent me back Joe’s check - 'cuz it wasn't made payable to them.
So – now BOB takes her time and checks it and re-checks it again.
BOB doesn’t pay her bills on line – she doesn’t dare.
But then again - its probably just me.
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